Living with you by my side.
I know i haven't been on here in a while but i've been thinking about you nonstop! a few weeks ago i basically lived at your house. It was hard. You know it's been three years and i still can't get over it. When i was at your house your brother reminded me of you more and more each day. It's scary how much he acts like you. Tyler i was watching cole and his little new girlfriend payton (lyould be SOOOO proud of him and how much of a chick magnet he is lol.). they were soo cute together. When she left he had to play the wii. And hes really good at it. lol. He kicked me butt in wii sports lol. But when i was in your room looking around it all... soo many memories. starting from your batmitzfah (or how ever you spell it lol) to your friends (from the poster jared n josh and britney murphy made you). It's sooo hard to forget you and soo easy thinking about how amazing life would be with you here.
My therapist told me everything happens for a reason. And when she said that i blew up on her and started crying my eyes out because the only reason it would've been was something i hope wouldve eventually happened. Ty when she said that my heart just stopped. like i couldn't believe she said that. You were the only kid i ever knew that could make anyone laugh their butts off. lol. the sparkle in your eyes always showed that deep inside you that you cared for everyone.
But your mom most of all.... Gosh i love her. lol. Shes been getting stronger and stronger by the day. Shes my hero because i dont know how she does it. Shes amazing. You sisters are the same way.
me and britney(sorry brit and i.. your mom would correct me lol.) were sitting in on the couch talking about you. and i finally told someone the real reason i still havent forgiven myself for not seeing you in the hospital. You were always there for me.. from boyfriends to my problems with my dad. You were there for me when i played stupid AYSO soccer and ROLLER SKATED to see my game and me in the goal kicking butt. And the one time you needed me... i wasnt there for you. and it sucks! i really wanted to be there... but i listened to people telling me how i shouldnt because how hard it was and i shouldnt have. i should have put my foot down and been there for you in a heart beat just like you were there for me. and still to this day it kills me inside tyler!! its sooo hard. ughh. :'[
theres this song i have on my c.d in my car (and yes i got my license. watch out now *cheering up a little*) and its my song for you. Its "grenade jumper" by Fall Out Boy. It talks about "how you came to watch us (me) play (soccer). like a big shot tallent." but my favorite part is.
"I know you would be there either way
I'm so glad it seems like these times will never fade
I know you would be there either way
(So I'll tell everyone how much this means how much this means to me)
I'm so glad it seems like these times will never fade (So I'll tell everyone I see!)
Hey Chris you were our only friend.
And I know this is belated we love you back."
because "you would be there either way". and "times (and memories) will never fade". and we all love you. "and i know this is belated" means when i wasnt there for you when you werent in the hospital but i just wanted to say "we (i) love you back. "
tyler i love you and i will never forget you. your stickers on my car and your here in my heart permanetly! i love you ty.
love and miss you