time and more time
It has been awhile since I could sit and write .Thought about each day but what's to say that could ever change anything . I am trying to make sense of things but how canone make sense of something that is just so senseless.
The only way do it is to keep going and screaming out to as many people as I can to make sure that no other family is destroyed the way ours was for no reason. Something so simple and preventable is something so destructable and final. I am trying to find the way for people to understand the finality pain and horror so that they never have to walk in our shoes a walk that is never ending . I know that I won't stop untiln people listen and recogonize they can make a difference recogonize they can be us yet I understand how hard it is for anyone to accept that it could be their sondaughter or other significant family member or friend . That there must be changes that there must be awareness and it can only happen in numbers.
When I really think that there is no hope and that people are moving on leaving you behindsomehow someone comes out and touches our hearts puts you in their hands and reminds me that you are not forgotten that you have made suvh a mark on so many and probably have already saved so many lives I can stand up again and make it through another moment .
It has been a long hard rode for all of us I have watched our family crumble in peices I have watched the happinesshope and smiles wiped away and felt powerless yet I know deep down inside that I have to somehow put some of the pieces back together for our family so that they have a future so they can laugh smile and feel like they do not have rode ahead of them of only sadness and tears .Somehow I have to make their lives fullfilled againalways with the gap of your physical presence but away to handle it so that they can be at peace.
I will never be at peace but if I along with all those who have stood by us can make a difference and give everyone the chance to have a future to have hope for a happy safe life then that is what will have to be done .
It is like a rollercoaster that at times I get stuck on the top feeling alone and that there is no place to turn the rollercoaster moves again to show me the next step that needs to be done.Someone comes out whenI least expect it and shows their heart and makes this horror a road I can take another step with .
Finding the strength at times takes it's toll but the heart of others pushes me to make thatnext step though it can be lonely at times and at other times I feel like there are so many out there with so much heart and love that I can not dissappoint them and stop. That I have to fight if theya re willing to link on then I cant stop and allow anyone to be in our shoes .
I just cant think of the phone call the hospital the pain that you endured the anger of loosing your touch your smileyour hugs and your peaceful presence that glued our family togther -that is what takes the strength away that is when the pain is just too unbearable to take another stepbut all of that is also what crumbles our family even more .The reality of this all is so unbelievable so hoorible that not even the best of tear jerking novels could be as brutalas painful as your story .
So your story my son has to be one told no matter how painful it is to me it has to be told or there will be so many more like it .Not as cruel as it continues no one will understand the depth of how your story continues to become even more cruelhurtful but that piece of it is only led by one and will not be allowed to destroy your legacy your ability to touch so many .When strangers come out see your smile feel your love and join with us to do what you had always done love and give to others one person can not and ewill not have the power to do that .
People that surround us because of who you are and bring us strength is what the focus is on .We will change things we will do what needs to be done because it is whats right .And as lonely as I feel at times I know deep inside that there are so many behind us .just sometimes it becomes a fight a battle that keeps me on top of the rollercoaster wanting to scream.
If you my son could fight the fight you fought for your life have the strength that most men in a life time dont display then I can I must continue that strength and dig deep to continue todo whats right .
I watch and listen how your friends have moved on in their lives are thriving laughing and creating a future for thierselves that you always couldnt wait to have it destroys me but I also know that they had right to that future and I have to make surethey can have achance to have it .If that means that at times I have to suffer alone then so be it but at least I now I can sleep at night knowing that somehow another life is saved that someone out there somewhere is laughing becauseyou gave us the strength to help them have that laughter .
I cannot lie it is lonely at times I get angry at times that I have become a person that I never thought I would be That I have to somehow take a deep breath and bring laughter in thsi house for your family It gets lonely knowing that I can not have teh power to go back in time and make us whole againand sometimes almost unbearablebut if I dont find the strength then your fight was for nothing .That would benore painfulmore devasting and far more unbearable .
So to all those people who have hung in there with us stood by us and even to the new people I meet who taek you in their hearts thank you youa re the ones that make me understand that this world is filled with hope and many people with heart .That one person cannot destroy the belief that real men real people are full of love heart and care about the future of others
So to all of you I thank you I thank you for giving me the strength each day to take another step.Fot giving met he strength to help my family heal and most importantly for giving me the strength in continuing your courage your love for life and fight as you had when all the odds were againstyou .
So as I say that it is lonely and painfulthere is another path that is filled with love and so many beautiful people .Though it is a contradiction it is life and that is what is the important entity here "life " and how we live it . Close